War of the Words

Relations between North Korea and the rest of the world are clearly sinking to a new low this year. Against a background of unprecedented military escalation and doubtful new sanctions the world's greatest egos have recently resumed trading personal insults to scorch each other via global headlines and soundbites.

Things became briefly personal in 2014 as western media led unflattering criticism of an iconic new hairstyle sported by Kim Jong-Un; the young Super Supreme Leader of the world's last best hope for totalitarianism-on-a-shoestring.

The Brits, normally a pillar of discretion, freely joined the melee offering corrective hair styling for anyone possessed enough to emulate the young dictator.

Poster in the window of a west London barber-shop offering to correct experimental errors.
Officials from the North Korean embassy were not amused.

http://www.independent.co.uk/news/uk/home-news/north-korea-calls-on-foreign-office-to-act-over-kim-jong-un-bad-hair-day-poster-9265144.html

Underlining its 'special relationship' with the US, the UK's Foreign Minister blathered effusely:

"Mr Kim's closely cropped, military style is totally unsuited for leadership.  Aspiring leaders of today's great nations are currently sporting the orange-blond flyaway look. It's totally impenetrable to all forms of common sense, tact or diplomacy, which is just perfect for a weekend's warmongering from the golf course or indeed for Brexit negotiations with Johnny Foreigner, Fwaaaahhh !"

Mr Trump and Mr Johnson - more often dazed than dazzling

A cabinet colleague of Mr Johnson wearing leopard print stilettos commented only on conditions of total anonymity:
"We have understood for a long time the vulgar meaning of the word 'Johnson' in the US.  Sadly in recent times this word has come to mean exactly the same thing here in the UK also.
I shall not be removed".

In this early round of personal mockery, public opinion tended to favour Mr Kim. Fashionistas agreed that the adventurous new hair style was very practical, keeps its shape well in strong wind, heavy rain and military exercises.  It also fits easily under a peaked cap while still allowing space to stash snacks or contraband for an emergency.  

John Travolta : Scientology never looked so "Phwoooor !"

http://www.huffingtonpost.co.uk/2015/02/20/kim-jong-un-hair_n_6719792.html


By comparison the orange-blond flyaway, much like the wearer, responds erratically to all external influences, requires constant resetting, is notoriously difficult to contain and looks about as statesmanlike as a ginger tom in free fall.

Ginger tom in actual free-fall, novice politician in popularity free-all

2017 started predictably with the regular round of US-South Korea co-ordinated military defence drills in March. NK responded with the usual large military parades in Pyongyang. In April came an unusual announcement that the USS aircraft carrier Carl Vinson would be diverted to monitor the NK regime and 'show resolve', but by June this was revealed as something of a 'strategic misdirection' (or 'fake news') by the Whitehouse when the Vinson was reported safely back in San Diego.

What few people saw coming next were;

• NK's September detonation of the world's largest explosion since China in 1992; ostensibly a hydrogen bomb of 250 kT
• a new sport of brazenly launching rockets over northern Japan rudely early in the morning at the weekends. 

Somehow these were the trigger for things to become personal again, with a speech at the UN labeling Kim Jong-Un 'Rocket Man' and 'suicidal'. While the name 'Rocket Man' speaks only to the author's limited wit and pre-school vocabulary, the term 'suicidal' carries much more ominous overtones. 

Put simply; if a leader is rational, he values self-preservation and can therefore be contained by negotiation, threats or deterrents. To call Kim suicidal is to suggest that he is not rational, cares not for his survival and therefore cannot be contained. Such an assessment would be the most convincing justification for a preemptive US strike to decapitate Kim's regime. In turn, this provides Kim with the most convincing (and rational) justification for a preemptive strike of his own. Therefore if the US actually have assessed Kim to be unstable (as opposed to just brutal with delusions of deity), then it is monumentally reckless to reveal this assessment, since once Kim knows this, it will be the surest path to inviting a preemptive strike by NK. 


https://www.washingtonpost.com/news/monkey-cage/wp/2017/09/20/would-trump-attack-north-korea-heres-what-we-learned-from-his-rocket-man-speech-at-the-u-n/?tid=pm_pop&utm_term=.124f687a54ff

Mr T's 'suicidal' comment suggests that in terms of strategic thinking, he still has not found time to read Sun Tzu's classic Art of War, despite misappropriating the title for his own Art of the Deal some 30 years ago.

Reckless reveals aside, Kim may well have got the upper hand  again; at least for upping the sophistication of the language used for trading insults. In response to the 'Rocket Man' quip, Kim referred to Mr T as a 'dotard', sending everyone scrambling for a dictionary, upon which most of us learned 4 new things; 

1. NK's dictionaries probably pre-date World War 1
2. 'dotard' originally meant 'imbecile' but later 'an old person who became weak and senile'
3. most of the Twittersphere shares Kim's opinion since the early days of the new administration - they just didn't have the same word for it
4. we are slowly slipping back into the cold war
   - does anyone want to revisit the 1980's ?

 

1986: Sting: Every Bomb You Make - courtesy Spitting Image