One evening at the Corn Exchange in Cambridge Mr Dee announced his great fortune at having taken delivery of his first baby some months earlier. Said baby was incredibly strong, amazingly agile, inquisitive about everything within arm's reach, highly observant and a well-practiced mimic. Mr Dee confided that in fact the whole parenting experience exposed him to an entirely new range of emotions which he had never believed possible; thoughts which he had never had before, and all so powerful that they defied his ability to put them into words. Dee reassured the audience with his trademark, dead-pan, poker face, that in all seriousness, there is no dictionary in any language anywhere which contains the vocabulary required to describe the thoughts, emotions and sheer disbelief which wracked every fibre of his being when he bent down to press the eject button on his VCR and out popped ..... a piece of cake !
There can be few places where poker face skills are more important to survival than Korea. Meals are just one of the many social arenas where one needs to be ready for just about anything which tests one's fight or flight reflex. Just for starters, take the everyday example of the innocuous oxtail soup.
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| Oxtail soup: this is what you thought you ordered. You've had it at home every week since you were in diapers. |
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| Oxtail soup: this is what they prepared in the kitchen. The tail of the wretched animal flayed of its hide and sliced into its individual vertebrae.
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- image is everything; in this case, maintain the illusion of mild-mannered, unflappable cool at all costs. Pretend not to have noticed that the soup was even served
- cause no offence;
remember that to be offended by the food is to offend the host and their choice - express wonder, excitement and gratitude at the sheer novelty of the experience;
Jean Giraudoux, George Burns and Alan Shore each agree that once we learn to fake sincerity then there is no end to what we can achieve. Although such skill may admittedly be wasted on a mere lunch, consider it practice for the next inevitable emergency.
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| Knee Bone soup: comes complete with bone, cartilage, gristle and all those other things that you relish for dinner |
Although such traditional recipes are still very much a firm favourite with the older generation, these days some younger Koreans are starting to politely decline them in preference for something more appetising.
It is worth highlighting that the modern Korean diet is in fact a very healthy one; being focused on fresh meat and vegetables rather than lots of processed food and carbohydrates. In common with much of Asia, seafood and seaweeds still form a larger proportion of the regular diet than in most western countries. Live seafood restaurants are found everywhere, proudly displaying their fare in rows of large tanks in the front window to tempt hungry pedestrians.
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| Seafood and eat it, don't walk on by |
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| "Waiter, waiter, there's an octopus in my soup !" Health warning: unverified anecdotes claim that the suckers often remain functional after cooking and can attach themselves to the inside of the esophagus if not chewed completely before swallowing. |
Of course cooked octopus will immediately disappoint any Klingons who happen to be passing through this star sector. Therefore for those who prefer their food not only fresh and raw but actually wriggling, live octopus is just one service on offer.
(warning: not for the faint-hearted or for octophiles)
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| You flinched ! I saw you ! |
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