Polite Society

Many years ago I was casually breezing through the cool airconditioned comfort of a shiny new shopping mall, taking shelter from the punishing midday heat outside. My aimless wandering came to a breathless halt by the front window of a Guess fashion store. This was filled with a towering photo in which Laetitia Casta sultrily modeled the latest range of barely-there swimwear in palpitating high definition. By any measure, it was a stunning photo. The partner on my arm was equally impressed, exclaiming enviously;
"I want THAT body", to which I absent-mindedly and evidently too-longingly replied;
"Oh yeah ... me too !".

I learned very quickly, that this was not only impolite, it was perhaps the Hiroshima of all faux-pas.

Guess who ?
Some mistakes you only make once in life. 

Seasoned globetrotters soon learn that politeness is as much about expectation as it is about good behavior. What passes for basic manners in one country may not be given a moment's thought in others.  Everyday examples such as holding the door for the person behind you, covering your mouth when sneezing or indeed closing your mouth while eating so your rapacious chomping cannot be heard on the next table are not universal standards which are observed in every country. 

An old incident on the Seoul subway illustrates how confusing this can become when additional factors such as seniority and foreign status are added to the mix. One day a dashing young playboy from Perth was offered a seat on the subway by a frail old Korean gent. The veteran was at least twice the age of the playboy but was eager to demonstrate Korean politeness to foreigners. The playboy politely declined the seat; after all how could he indispose the generous older gent ? The gent offered again, the playboy declined again. By this stage the rebuff of the senior's kindness in front of his countrymen was becoming more impolite than a youth taking the seat of an old man - a subtle point lost on the foreigner. With a lightning-fast martial arts manoeuvre, the wizened old man recovered the situation by grasping the Aussie's wrist and spinning him round into the seat, then bowing deeply, smiling serenely and thanking the Aussie for accepting the seat. Korean politeness was demonstrated and the veteran's honour was preserved for everyone to see.

Handshaking
Back in 2013 Bill Gates was rightly or wrongly lambasted in the Korean media for not knowing how to shake hands correctly with the President of Korea

http://www.telegraph.co.uk/technology/bill-gates/10011847/Bill-Gates-disrespects-South-Korean-president-with-casual-handshake.html

President Guen-Hye Park meets Bill Gates
Handshaking in Korea is done with both hands and certainly NEVER with one hand in the pocket

Handshaking: how it should be done

Bowing
Naturally there are several degrees of bowing, depending on the circumstances.

Bowing Basics

Here is a light-hearted explanation on which to do and when:

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=jJLrEzpzpYA



Apologising
Of course bowing reaches its apogee in The Apology, for example when 3 banks fail to prevent the theft of bank account numbers, addresses, phone numbers, passport numbers, and credit ratings of approximately 20 million customers (just under half the population), including public figures and celebrities, then nothing short of deep and protracted bowing is required.

January 2014:
CEOs of 3 national banks apologise and resign over thefts of credit card details

http://www.businesskorea.co.kr/english/news/money/3007-information-insecurity-public-apology-en-masse-resignations-korean-bank-ceos


So if there is such a thing as a standard for politeness then for those forms of politeness which are observed in Korea, then Koreans certainly achieve the gold standard. Don't despair if you hold the door open for the person behind you but they never hold it in turn for the person behind them. Quite simply this protocol is not recognised as good manners. 

However when somebody gives you something in Korea, they will always pass it to you with both hands, to show politeness, not one hand which is rude.  When your glass is empty, it will always be filled by the person next to you before you even ask.  You will never have to fill your glass yourself.  

PSY and Snoop Dogg in the video promo to 'Hangover'
PSY refills SD's glass for him, with left hand covering the chest in formal respect 

  https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=HkMNOlYcpHg

"The future is bright, the future is Orange"

Out and about in ..... Madrid

As November draws to a close in Seoul, daylight fizzles out about 2 minutes faster each day, the sun struggles to climb a mere 36' into the sky at noon and overnight temperatures start to slide below zero. 

Mapo Bridge: icy cold and empty of the usual crowds as the sun struggles to cross the sky

It is a solemn reminder that the short-lived relief after the Dog Days of Summer (previous post) are about to give way to three months of bitterly cold, dry winds from Siberian high pressure systems which will drive temperatures close to -20'C by late January. 

Long cold nights as Siberian high pressure systems sweep the clouds from the sky

Thoughts quite forgivably turn to escaping somewhere else; ideally a place where autumn and winter can be enjoyed rather than endured; a place steeped in empire, royalty and style. It's the time when thoughts turn to Madrid.

One of Madrid's many appeals is that winter can be enjoyed as much as any other part of the year.  Although admittedly a tad cooler than other parts of Spain, residents have no need to emulate Seoul's frenzied annual ritual, ie; the mad rush to the malls to part with $1,000 for a new eider-filled overcoat in this year's neon winter colours. Madrid residents simply put on a scarf, exchange their shoes for boots and pretty much carry on as they did during the spring, summer and autumn. 

Autumn in Madrid - just add a scarf and carry on

In November long lunches and intimate candlelit dinners can still be comfortably taken al fresco in Madrid's countless vias and plazas. In most places a glass of Rioja which is large enough to swim laps in will usually only cost about €2.50. Alternatively a paella which is too large for two people to finish costs a modest €15. 

 

Al fresco evenings - for light showers, just find an umbrella

Meanwhile the mild weather allows pub crawlers, bar hoppers and club cruisers to continue way past midnight and into the small hours wearing small dresses and open shirts much the same as if the summer never ended. Basically, there really is no need to stay indoors, so everyone goes out, everywhere, all the time.

Winter in Madrid; as if the summer never ended

Spain prospered quite well under the Roman Empire but was rudely awakened in August 711 when Moorish tourists crossed from Africa to Spain and decided to make themselves at home. On reflection, any August in the Middle Ages would have been ideal to occupy Spain unnoticed since most of the population would have closed shop and gone to the beach.  The few remaining at home would doubtless have been transfixed by a friendly between Athletico Pathetico and Surreal Madrid or were otherwise sleeping off luxuriously long boozy lunches. Within only 7 years the tourists had taken over the country entirely.  This embarrassing national faux pas gave rise to Spain's most important maxim regarding siestas:  "Four hours, no more, 'cause any Moor is too many".

Siestas: any time, any place, anywhere

The true value of a siesta (and exactly what occurs during 3.5 hours of the working day) is still a matter of intense speculation:

http://www.thepoke.co.uk/2012/08/30/spanish-admits-siesta-is-basically-just-a-wank/

http://www.bbc.com/news/magazine-35995972


The founding of Madrid as a capital city came relatively late in Spain's history. There remains some debate whether Europe's busiest King; Charles of the Hapsburg Netherlands from 1506, then also Charles I of the Spanish Empire from 1516 and finally additionally Charles V Holy Roman Emperor from 1519, actually quipped;

"I speak Spanish to God

Italian to women

French to men and 

German to my horse"

However there is no doubt that it was Charles who decided to move the Spanish capital from Valladolid to Madrid. 

The city had originally been founded as 'Mayrit' by the Emir Muhammad I of Cordoba in the late 800s. He built a walled citadel around the site with a modest fortress overlooking the River Manzanares to repel any attempt to take Toledo by water. By 1492 Christian forces had driven the last of the Moors from Spain, Columbus had discovered the New World and the modest fortress had been gradually enlarged into the 'Royal Alcazar'. In 1561 Charles' son Philip II finally installed the Spanish court in Madrid for the first time and then set about converting the Royal Alcazar into a royal palace.       

Although Philip II sat at the pinnacle of the greatest empire the world had ever seen, history records him as a modest and pious chap, often praying in seclusion for up to 8 hours per day. Meanwhile the most unholy, uncharitable and undeserved wrath was being meted out at the pointy end of a sword by the successors of the explorers Cortes, Pizarro and Magellan. All this, of course, in the name of god or in the case of the Philippines, in the name of Philip personally.

1520: Hernán Cortés victorious in Mexico

1530: Francisco Pizzaro victorious in Peru

1521: Magellan killed by Chief Lapu lapu on a beach in the Philippines -
a mistake repeated by Captain James Cook some 250 years later in Hawaii 

Sadly nothing remains today of the Royal Alcazar of Madrid and the royal palace which Philip II transformed it into since all was lost in the last of a series of fires on Christmas Eve in 1734. However the same site was used to build the current Palacio Real; the official residence of the Spanish royal family today.

Palacio Real de Madrid: a royal residence with a splash of Bernini

Palacio Real de Madrid: the palace gardens are ideal for intimate conversation during the daytime or an imtimate fumble after dark

Perhaps the greatest testament to Philip's combined royalty and piety lies 45km outside Madrid; the royal palace and monastery of El Escorial in San Lorenzo.  Work started in 1563 and lasted 21 years, during which Philip could actually see the construction on a clear day from his Royal Palace in Madrid. 

El Escorial; royal palace, monastery, library, museum, university and necropolis
nestled in the quiet mountain air overlooking Madrid

  

El Escorial; gold from the New Word financed unlimited spending

Since completion, El Escorial became the final resting place of the Bourbon and Hapsburg kings from Charles V onwards.  Their remains are held in a breathtaking suite of sepulchers arranged in an octagonal vault lined in gold and marble under the centre of the monastery. Certainly if any king wanted to talk to God, in Spanish or in any other language, then this would be the kind of place where God would be more than happy to sit and listen.

El Escorial: the gilted and marbled Pantheon of the Kings
- the final resting place of kings since Charles V onwards

In conclusion; anyone who has not yet been to Madrid will find it is not only the perfect escape any time of the year but also a place that they will look forward to escaping to again and again and again.

Desigual: Spanish for style, fashion and fun