Your humble servant thanks you for your recent falcon and the kind concern mooted for our welfare in these lands which are so often shrouded from both time and reason. By now we are pretty much accustomed to living in the eye of the storm although recent events have admittedly raised more eyebrows than usual. However we persevere through hell and high water with a fixed grin and determined chin. Of course we have to be thankful for small mercies. This winter's temperatures here at Seoulfell only dropped to a slightly fresh -15’C, which compared favourably with last year’s somewhat brisker –19’C. Normally I would not have bothered hauling our furs out of the East Tower but the wifelet does enjoy parading around in her Desigual great coats, which is not unreasonable given how little she loves to wear underneath them. Believe me when I say that our bed chamber practically heats itself through the depths of winter...
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| The river at Seoulfell Spires - treacherous icesheets in wintertime |
Fortunately your concerns for our safety are only partly warranted for the moment. It is true that the Starvelings to the north have been very busy of late, evidently developing some sort of long range trebuchet which enabled them to launch five mid-range missiles as far as the Sea of Nippon for the first time. Their alchemists also continue their mystical research to purify the long-forbidden Nuclear Orefire which they secretly test from time to time in the labyrinthine depths of the caverns inside their mountains. The Assembly of the Seven Continents repeatedly denounces this alchemy and forbids the Starvelings the technology to develop these weapons. However their Super Supreme Leader argues that if the Brothers of Sinai, the worshippers of Guns 'n' Moses can be trusted with this technology then how much more dangerous can it really be in the hands of a tinpot despot with delusions of deiety (and a whimsy for executing relatives with rocket launchers) running an economy based on agriculture and amphetamines ? Of course the Assembly has been slow to provide a credible response to this argument.
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| Mobile traction trebuchet with molten iron bombs at Kuju, Korea, 1231 |
These days the North’s ambitions cause so much consternation among the South’s great unwashed that the High Council of Seoulfell now seriously considers developing its own nuclear orefire weapons. Happily, for the moment they seem prepared to settle for a fleet of Dragons of THAAD to continuously search the skies for any missiles which the Starvelings might fire to the south and then to quickly intercept and incinerate these before they make landfall. Although dragons have become a rarity in modern times, it seems that a kind offer to borrow some for a fair market price has been extended by the New King of Orange as part of his incoherent plan to "Make Orange Great Again".
Or alternatively
Somewhat understandably the prospect of no fly zones enforced by foreign and previously untested dragons has upset our Canton neighbours who fear their national income will be at risk if their much-prized flocks of sheep with golden fleeces are inevitably picked off as snacks by bored and hungry carnivores during long and tedious high-altitude patrols. In protest the number of Canton visitors to Seoulfell has reduced dramatically with many innkeepers and market stalls reporting only one quarter of the usual level of trade for this time of year.
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| Dragons available from The Mother of Dragons |
Or alternatively
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| Dragons available from The King of Orange |
Somewhat understandably the prospect of no fly zones enforced by foreign and previously untested dragons has upset our Canton neighbours who fear their national income will be at risk if their much-prized flocks of sheep with golden fleeces are inevitably picked off as snacks by bored and hungry carnivores during long and tedious high-altitude patrols. In protest the number of Canton visitors to Seoulfell has reduced dramatically with many innkeepers and market stalls reporting only one quarter of the usual level of trade for this time of year.
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| Lamb BBQ dragon snacks - collateral damage |
Meanwhile the Super Supreme Leader, the Weird Walker of the North, is increasingly reported hobbling about with a stick these days, suggesting an unknown ailment. Only this month he reportedly engaged a pair of dusky Dornish assassins to caress the face of his half brother with a lethal poison, dispatching him with rude haste for an unscheduled interview with his creator. However given the modern tendency towards surprise resurrections, one wouldn’t be entirely surprised to find it was all just a teaser.
In any case, since the last three moons most of us in Seoulfell have been totally preoccupied with the impeachment proceedings of High Chancellor Park for her extortion of huge bribes from the blue-blooded families of the Merchant Guild. In exchange she granted favourable business mergers to secure tax concessions. She also allowed her bestie to not only meddle but personally direct High Council appointments and decisions of state. The chattering classes are predictably thrilled to see real life imitating their tacky novellas as the downfall of the entire High Council started with something as insignificant as a lover’s spat between the bestie-in-question and her personal toy-boy 'Koh'. In these parts Koh is the envy of all women of a certain age, not only having won gold medals for fencing but also being blessed with a divinely cherubic countenance and buns so tight he can crush walnuts between them.
The following link shows proof of principle.
Certainly everything came to a head yesterday with the Constitutional Court’s ruling that the High Chancellor shall have hers separated from her shoulders forthwith.
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| Evidently the stress and gravity of the Constitutional Court's decision weighed a little too heavily on some of the Chief Justices in recent days |
Just two days earlier the heir apparent of the nation's wealthiest merchant family was hamstrung when offered a royal suite in the dungeons for his alleged and yet-to-be-proven, part in the whole chicanery. No doubt the court has many questions, including the fate of an US$885bn fund promised to the public to appease concern over a previous slush fund scandal in 2008.
http://m.koreaherald.com/view.php?ud=20170228000806&ntn=0
Obviously the serfs have been over-celebrating the impeachment in their usual soju-intoxicated style since the announcement but as always nobody here looks beyond today's sunset. There is no coherent plan beyond choosing a new High Chancellor, for example; how the law should apply to a single merchant family which generates 35% of the nation’s wealth. They remain to all intents and purposes above the law. They are essentially more powerful than the High Council or indeed the Kingdom itself. Similarly there are no ideas how to engage with the Super Supreme Leader of the Starvelings of the North or how to restore Canton tourism or how to negotiate a new trade treaty with the New King of Orange.
There's so much more to tell but to write more would simply overload our poor falcon Boris - who is already plump enough to be mistaken for a pidgeon even by even a keen observer in broad daylight.
Until next time I remain your humble servant.
