Letter to Westeros

Your Grace

Your humble servant thanks you for your recent falcon and the kind concern mooted for our welfare in these lands which are so often shrouded from both time and reason. By now we are pretty much accustomed to living in the eye of the storm although recent events have admittedly raised more eyebrows than usual. However we persevere through hell and high water with a fixed grin and determined chin. Of course we have to be thankful for small mercies. This winter's temperatures here at Seoulfell only dropped to a slightly fresh -15’C, which compared favourably with last year’s somewhat brisker –19’C. Normally I would not have bothered hauling our furs out of the East Tower but the wifelet does enjoy parading around in her Desigual great coats, which is not unreasonable given how little she loves to wear underneath them. Believe me when I say that our bed chamber practically heats itself through the depths of winter...

The river at Seoulfell Spires - treacherous icesheets in wintertime

Fortunately your concerns for our safety are only partly warranted for the moment. It is true that the Starvelings to the north have been very busy of late, evidently developing some sort of long range trebuchet which enabled them to launch five mid-range missiles as far as the Sea of Nippon for the first time. Their alchemists also continue their mystical research to purify the long-forbidden Nuclear Orefire which they secretly test from time to time in the labyrinthine depths of the caverns inside their mountains. The Assembly of the Seven Continents repeatedly denounces this alchemy and forbids the Starvelings the technology to develop these weapons. However their Super Supreme Leader argues that if the Brothers of Sinai, the worshippers of Guns 'n' Moses can be trusted with this technology then how much more dangerous can it really be in the hands of a tinpot despot with delusions of deiety (and a whimsy for executing relatives with rocket launchers) running an economy based on agriculture and amphetamines ? Of course the Assembly has been slow to provide a credible response to this argument.

Mobile traction trebuchet with molten iron bombs at Kuju, Korea, 1231

These days the North’s ambitions cause so much consternation among the South’s great unwashed that the High Council of Seoulfell now seriously considers developing its own nuclear orefire weapons. Happily, for the moment they seem prepared to settle for a fleet of Dragons of THAAD to continuously search the skies for any missiles which the Starvelings might fire to the south and then to quickly intercept and incinerate these before they make landfall. Although dragons have become a rarity in modern times, it seems that a kind offer to borrow some for a fair market price has been extended by the New King of Orange as part of his incoherent plan to "Make Orange Great Again". 

Dragons available from The Mother of Dragons

Or alternatively

Dragons available from The King of Orange

Somewhat understandably the prospect of no fly zones enforced by foreign and previously untested dragons has upset our Canton neighbours who fear their national income will be at risk if their much-prized flocks of sheep with golden fleeces are inevitably picked off as snacks by bored and hungry carnivores during long and tedious high-altitude patrols. In protest the number of Canton visitors to Seoulfell has reduced dramatically with many innkeepers and market stalls reporting only one quarter of the usual level of trade for this time of year.

Lamb BBQ dragon snacks - collateral damage

Meanwhile the Super Supreme Leader, the Weird Walker of the North, is increasingly reported hobbling about with a stick these days, suggesting an unknown ailment. Only this month he reportedly engaged a pair of dusky Dornish assassins to caress the face of his half brother with a lethal poison, dispatching him with rude haste for an unscheduled interview with his creator. However given the modern tendency towards surprise resurrections, one wouldn’t be entirely surprised to find it was all just a teaser.

In any case, since the last three moons most of us in Seoulfell have been totally preoccupied with the impeachment proceedings of High Chancellor Park for her extortion of huge bribes from the blue-blooded families of the Merchant Guild. In exchange she granted favourable business mergers to secure tax concessions. She also allowed her bestie to not only meddle but personally direct High Council appointments and decisions of state. The chattering classes are predictably thrilled to see real life imitating their tacky novellas as the downfall of the entire High Council started with something as insignificant as a lover’s spat between the bestie-in-question and her personal toy-boy 'Koh'. In these parts Koh is the envy of all women of a certain age, not only having won gold medals for fencing but also being blessed with a divinely cherubic countenance and buns so tight he can crush walnuts between them.
The following link shows proof of principle.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=6deNaTPDFDU

Certainly everything came to a head yesterday with the Constitutional Court’s ruling that the High Chancellor shall have hers separated from her shoulders forthwith. 

Evidently the stress and gravity of the Constitutional Court's decision weighed a little too heavily on some of the Chief Justices in recent days 

Just two days earlier the heir apparent of the nation's wealthiest merchant family was hamstrung when offered a royal suite in the dungeons for his alleged and yet-to-be-proven, part in the whole chicanery. No doubt the court has many questions, including the fate of an US$885bn fund promised to the public to appease concern over a previous slush fund scandal in 2008.

http://m.koreaherald.com/view.php?ud=20170228000806&ntn=0


Obviously the serfs have been over-celebrating the impeachment in their usual soju-intoxicated style since the announcement but as always nobody here looks beyond today's sunset. There is no coherent plan beyond choosing a new High Chancellor, for example; how the law should apply to a single merchant family which generates 35% of the nation’s wealth. They remain to all intents and purposes above the law. They are essentially more powerful than the High Council or indeed the Kingdom itself. Similarly there are no ideas how to engage with the Super Supreme Leader of the Starvelings of the North or how to restore Canton tourism or how to negotiate a new trade treaty with the New King of Orange.

There's so much more to tell but to write more would simply overload our poor falcon Boris - who is already plump enough to be mistaken for a pidgeon even by even a keen observer in broad daylight.  

Until next time I remain your humble servant.

Lies, Damned Lies and Sadtistics

As a maturing species we still have some fairly major character flaws to iron out; not least the way we love to revel in scenarios of impending doom and gloom. Usually the doomier and gloomier the news, more we love to wallow in it. 

At the end of the 90's our enthusiasm for the approaching new century and indeed our ambitions to boldly go into a whole new millenium were seriously tempered by dire predictions of global system failures as our technology would fail to roll over smoothly from 1999 to 2000. 

"Fascinating Captain.
Mass hysteria on a scale rarely seen in a cultured society or indeed an intelligent species..."

Boffins unanimously explained that when computing was in its infancy the high cost of data storage led to each year being abbreviated to just its last 2 digits; eg computers stored 1989 as simply 89, meaning the year 2000 would be indistinguishable from the year 1900. 

Not since Noah had such dire warnings of global cataclysm been voiced - although arguably, this time more people were actually listening. Every imaginable disaster was predicted from airliners dropping out of the sky to having to wait a century for your automatic coffee machine to come out of hibernation. 

http://time.com/3645828/y2k-look-back/

When the Y2K bug failed to deliver armageddon, few people expected computers would bring much more than electronic financial transactions, free email and unfettered access to music, movies and porn. Orwell had correctly anticipated the mass surveillance of Big Brother but few foresaw the arguably more ominous impact of Big Data. 

Early examples of big data and what it could reveal came in the form of decades of declassified military bathymetry, hydrophone data and sea surface mapping which laid the basis for the first computerised models of deep ocean currents, most notably the El Nino / La Nina oscillation in the southern Pacific. 

http://www.public.navy.mil/subfor/underseawarfaremagazine/Issues/Archives/issue_25/sosus.htm

So while academics mined historical data for its hidden secrets, big business focussed on the real time collection of new data by connecting every gadget to the net. We can now see how much money people are spending, when, where and on what. Where people are going, by which mode of transport and how often. How many sportos are running, cycling and hiking and how many couch potatoes are watching tv, browsing or XBox-ing. And thanks to twitter we now start to see how many powerful decision makers actually think before they tweet and how deeply they actually understand the issues.

Batrump: arguably not the anti-politician that America deserves
but trying to be the anti-politician that America needs right now

In Korea, big data feeds navel-gazing obsessions such as the impending population implosion, gloomy social and employment demographics and the doom of Korea losing its national identity. These warnings are invariably supported by reams of sad statistics or 'sadtistics' from the latest studies which are hastily digested and committed to memory for quick reference later. Long-running themes include;

• Men to run short of brides soon
  (unless they consider taking foreign wives)
  http://english.chosun.com/site/data/html_dir/2017/01/07/2017010700379.html?related_all

• 40% of women do not want a family
  http://english.chosun.com/site/data/html_dir/2016/08/27/2016082700462.html

• Rapidly aging society
  http://m.koreaherald.com/view.php?ud=20160727000055&ntn=0

• Average debt of newlyweds reaches US$37k
  http://m.koreatimes.co.kr/phone/news/view.jsp?req_newsidx=212846

• South Koreans could be extinct by 2750
  (unless they consider taking foreign wives)
  http://www.businessinsider.com/south-koreans-could-be-extinct-by-2750-2015-6

• 40% of Phd holders are employed on temporary contracts
  http://english.chosun.com/site/data/html_dir/2016/02/19/2016021900590.html

• Job seekers prefer stability of low paid public sector jobs over uncertain higher paid private sector careers
  http://english.chosun.com/site/data/html_dir/2016/07/25/2016072501380.html

• Jobseekers spend 3 times more on looks than on improving skills
  http://english.chosun.com/site/data/html_dir/2016/07/02/2016070200438.html

• People increasingly eating alone
  http://m.koreaherald.com/view.php?ud=20160529000252&ntn=0

If the daily media was the window to the nation, we could be forgiven for thinking that the country was about to slide off a precipice, especially for the single men of a certain age without a well-paying job in a huge conglomerate. Positive news is curiously rare, either in the news media or in personal conversation.  If something good is heard, then it is usually about another country, with Korea being compared unfavorably alongside. 

Partially this is another manifestation of the role of The Eternal Victim - see previous posts. However additional contributing factors include the very little experience that most Koreans have living abroad.  Leaving aside shopping in Hong Kong, gap years in Oz or golfing sojourns in the Philippines, few Koreans have actually lived abroad.  For those which have, it was something of an endurance test, usually on an isolated construction camp, purpose-built where everything is imported from the toothpaste through to the kimchi. Consequently few Koreans appreciate how safe and protected daily life is in Korea compared with other countries. 

One Korean colleague on a business trip to Madrid left his rucksack on his chair while collecting his coffee in Starbucks. When he returned with the coffee the rucksack was gone, complete with passport, money, credit cards etc.  By way of comparison, in Seoul we forgot a shoulder bag on a public bench, went to lunch for an hour and then rode the subway for 6 stops before realising the bag was missing.  We hastily backtracked on the subway to the restaurant and then to the public bench where the last 2 hours of CCTV showed that 3 people had seen the bag, scratched their heads, rubbed their chins and walked on by. Lastly an elderly gent pushing a trolley for collecting waste cardboard from the streets saw the bag and gave it to a lady street vendor for safe keeping. The bag was full of passports, money and cards which were all untouched and the lady absolutely declined any gift for keeping the bag safe.

Regular examples of the same trust and social consideration can be seen on the streets each Friday / Saturday. On Fridays men drink until they can no longer walk and if they could it wouldn't help because by this time they can no longer remember where home is (see previous posts). The solution is to find a bench, step or short wall, remove one's shoes, place them neatly under the bench along with wallet, cellphone, ciggarettes, unfinished bottle, etc, put head down on satchel and fall into self-induced medical coma for at least 16 hours. Late on Saturday afternoon the chap will awake to find all his personal items untouched except that possibly his shoes may have been polished if the chap was lucky enough to fall asleep near a cobbler's kiosk where the cobbler was having a slow day.

There are many such stories which portray an image of Korea which is as real and as powerful as the issues highlighted by Big Data and daily sadtistics. However none of these anecdotes are collectable in huge, automated sweeps of data to be combed through later by boffins looking to report the positive about life as we know it.

The Importance of Being ... well ... Important

Maybe it is the speed of modern life, or how complex we've made it, or how much of it we choose to ignore, which causes us to overlook many of the forces which secretly shape our existence. One of these unseen forces is undoubtedly queuing.  For sure we all have our own cynical observations about queues; 

• Your queue always moves the slowest ...

Until you change queues, then;

•  the queue you left will move faster than the one you moved to

• Whichever queue you join, no matter how short it looks, it will always take the longest for you to get served

• an Englishman, even if he is alone, forms an orderly queue of one

• etc, etc

The Full Monty : The Art of Queuing
perfected by the British in 1997

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=H4wuH9pSSRo

Of course not all queues are the same and some are certainly more equal than others. There are several different types of queue depending on how the tasks are processed;

• process first in, first out
  eg; the line for casting your vote to elect a new president
• process the most important task first
  eg; which national leader to phone, un-nerve and gloat with after winning the nomination as president-elect

• process the most simple task first
  eg; explaining to a septuagenarian president with no political experience how a new administration is actually staffed
• process the shortest task first
  eg; appoint friends and relatives to key staff positions in said administration, thereby skipping any tedious selection procedures
• process last in, first out
  eg; choosing which order to repeal the legislation of the previous administration

• process the most urgent task first
  eg; sue any media describing golden showers in Russia

" 'Not nice !'  Let me say it again for you folks; that is 'NOT NICE' "

Many years ago a friend confided that to get the best seat at a good restaurant in Russia, one did not to book in advance, negotiate with the Maitre d' or wait for the desired table to become available.  One simply invited one's bodyguard to come along for dinner. Said bodyguard would casually walk over to the desired table, discretely open his jacket to reveal the 9mm semi-automatic dangling under his armpit.  The diners would readily stop eating and vacate the table, very quickly and above all, very politely.  It worked like a treat every time.  

In Korea queuing is at best 'experimental' and at worst merely a question of one's own self-importance. In other words, if you can convince yourself that your need (or your task) is more urgent than the others who are also waiting then you don't need to wait with them  - you can just prioritise yourself.

Most foreigners notice that something is wrong when first observing the permanently busy city streets.  Traffic protocols are modeled on the American drive-on-the-right system, including the option to turn right on a red signal if there is no traffic crossing the junction from the left. Of course important people such as those driving expensive imports, SUVs or chauffer driven company cars may exercise their own discretion as to what is 'right'. If they feel important enough and so inclined they may include what less important observers would normally consider as 'left' as also 'right' and so turn left on red, paying no attention to the rights of way of pedestrians sent scattering on crossings or the oncoming traffic, which may consequently have a little fender bender. This unenlightened behaviour is all the more remarkable, occurring as it does in a country which remains so steeped in traditional Confucian ideas about consideration for others.   

Unless you drive an important looking car

Meanwhile down in the subway queuing takes a comically surreal twist when combined with a little fevered competition. If you stand behind someone leaving enough clear space for someone else to insert a flat hand, then that hand will be followed by the attached arm, shoulder and torso, displacing you one row backwards before you've even had a chance to look up. The only guard against this is to achieve and maintain an indecent proximity to the person in front and to wear lots of padded clothing just in case this becomes more fun than it should.

A restless jostling for position heightens each time the train pulls into a station. Elbows are flexed in anticipation of the doors swishing open; then they're off. Try imagining an egg-and-spoon race combined with a sack race, this is a fair approximation. Holding their smartphones (iphones for boys, Galaxies for girls), in one hand, holding their skirts down with the other, shuffling at high speed but in half steps to maintain tight formation, the crowd resembles penguins tootling along a glacier anxious to plop off into the sea.

When the genetics for queuing were being distributed around Asia, the Koreans (amongst others) were clearly sulking in a corner and having none of it. Today's solution is of course technical, coming in the form of a little machine which offers you a number and invites you to wait until yours is called. They're in every bank, hospital, cinema and soon to be introduced at hot-dog stands I shouldn't wonder. However one demographic remains so important that tickets remain beneath them. These are not people of wealth, power or religion, these are simply old-timers. When you have seniority you don't need a foreign SUV to turn left on red and you definitely don't need a numbered ticket to help you queue. You just walk straight up to the powerless jobsworth at his desk and command whatever you want. And the cowering wretch will happily stop everything, instantly and do whatever they are told without question.

It is reassuring to know that such brash bluster could never occur in other countries especially those which have elected their oldest ever leader who in turn has appointed the oldest ever administration.

Donald Trump on John McCain,
"He’s not a war hero. 
He’s a war hero because he was captured. 
I like people that weren’t captured." 
 (Trump himself dodged the draft to avoid the Vietnam War)

Polite Society

Many years ago I was casually breezing through the cool airconditioned comfort of a shiny new shopping mall, taking shelter from the punishing midday heat outside. My aimless wandering came to a breathless halt by the front window of a Guess fashion store. This was filled with a towering photo in which Laetitia Casta sultrily modeled the latest range of barely-there swimwear in palpitating high definition. By any measure, it was a stunning photo. The partner on my arm was equally impressed, exclaiming enviously;
"I want THAT body", to which I absent-mindedly and evidently too-longingly replied;
"Oh yeah ... me too !".

I learned very quickly, that this was not only impolite, it was perhaps the Hiroshima of all faux-pas.

Guess who ?
Some mistakes you only make once in life. 

Seasoned globetrotters soon learn that politeness is as much about expectation as it is about good behavior. What passes for basic manners in one country may not be given a moment's thought in others.  Everyday examples such as holding the door for the person behind you, covering your mouth when sneezing or indeed closing your mouth while eating so your rapacious chomping cannot be heard on the next table are not universal standards which are observed in every country. 

An old incident on the Seoul subway illustrates how confusing this can become when additional factors such as seniority and foreign status are added to the mix. One day a dashing young playboy from Perth was offered a seat on the subway by a frail old Korean gent. The veteran was at least twice the age of the playboy but was eager to demonstrate Korean politeness to foreigners. The playboy politely declined the seat; after all how could he indispose the generous older gent ? The gent offered again, the playboy declined again. By this stage the rebuff of the senior's kindness in front of his countrymen was becoming more impolite than a youth taking the seat of an old man - a subtle point lost on the foreigner. With a lightning-fast martial arts manoeuvre, the wizened old man recovered the situation by grasping the Aussie's wrist and spinning him round into the seat, then bowing deeply, smiling serenely and thanking the Aussie for accepting the seat. Korean politeness was demonstrated and the veteran's honour was preserved for everyone to see.

Handshaking
Back in 2013 Bill Gates was rightly or wrongly lambasted in the Korean media for not knowing how to shake hands correctly with the President of Korea

http://www.telegraph.co.uk/technology/bill-gates/10011847/Bill-Gates-disrespects-South-Korean-president-with-casual-handshake.html

President Guen-Hye Park meets Bill Gates
Handshaking in Korea is done with both hands and certainly NEVER with one hand in the pocket

Handshaking: how it should be done

Bowing
Naturally there are several degrees of bowing, depending on the circumstances.

Bowing Basics

Here is a light-hearted explanation on which to do and when:

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=jJLrEzpzpYA



Apologising
Of course bowing reaches its apogee in The Apology, for example when 3 banks fail to prevent the theft of bank account numbers, addresses, phone numbers, passport numbers, and credit ratings of approximately 20 million customers (just under half the population), including public figures and celebrities, then nothing short of deep and protracted bowing is required.

January 2014:
CEOs of 3 national banks apologise and resign over thefts of credit card details

http://www.businesskorea.co.kr/english/news/money/3007-information-insecurity-public-apology-en-masse-resignations-korean-bank-ceos


So if there is such a thing as a standard for politeness then for those forms of politeness which are observed in Korea, then Koreans certainly achieve the gold standard. Don't despair if you hold the door open for the person behind you but they never hold it in turn for the person behind them. Quite simply this protocol is not recognised as good manners. 

However when somebody gives you something in Korea, they will always pass it to you with both hands, to show politeness, not one hand which is rude.  When your glass is empty, it will always be filled by the person next to you before you even ask.  You will never have to fill your glass yourself.  

PSY and Snoop Dogg in the video promo to 'Hangover'
PSY refills SD's glass for him, with left hand covering the chest in formal respect 

  https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=HkMNOlYcpHg

"The future is bright, the future is Orange"

Out and about in ..... Madrid

As November draws to a close in Seoul, daylight fizzles out about 2 minutes faster each day, the sun struggles to climb a mere 36' into the sky at noon and overnight temperatures start to slide below zero. 

Mapo Bridge: icy cold and empty of the usual crowds as the sun struggles to cross the sky

It is a solemn reminder that the short-lived relief after the Dog Days of Summer (previous post) are about to give way to three months of bitterly cold, dry winds from Siberian high pressure systems which will drive temperatures close to -20'C by late January. 

Long cold nights as Siberian high pressure systems sweep the clouds from the sky

Thoughts quite forgivably turn to escaping somewhere else; ideally a place where autumn and winter can be enjoyed rather than endured; a place steeped in empire, royalty and style. It's the time when thoughts turn to Madrid.

One of Madrid's many appeals is that winter can be enjoyed as much as any other part of the year.  Although admittedly a tad cooler than other parts of Spain, residents have no need to emulate Seoul's frenzied annual ritual, ie; the mad rush to the malls to part with $1,000 for a new eider-filled overcoat in this year's neon winter colours. Madrid residents simply put on a scarf, exchange their shoes for boots and pretty much carry on as they did during the spring, summer and autumn. 

Autumn in Madrid - just add a scarf and carry on

In November long lunches and intimate candlelit dinners can still be comfortably taken al fresco in Madrid's countless vias and plazas. In most places a glass of Rioja which is large enough to swim laps in will usually only cost about €2.50. Alternatively a paella which is too large for two people to finish costs a modest €15. 

 

Al fresco evenings - for light showers, just find an umbrella

Meanwhile the mild weather allows pub crawlers, bar hoppers and club cruisers to continue way past midnight and into the small hours wearing small dresses and open shirts much the same as if the summer never ended. Basically, there really is no need to stay indoors, so everyone goes out, everywhere, all the time.

Winter in Madrid; as if the summer never ended

Spain prospered quite well under the Roman Empire but was rudely awakened in August 711 when Moorish tourists crossed from Africa to Spain and decided to make themselves at home. On reflection, any August in the Middle Ages would have been ideal to occupy Spain unnoticed since most of the population would have closed shop and gone to the beach.  The few remaining at home would doubtless have been transfixed by a friendly between Athletico Pathetico and Surreal Madrid or were otherwise sleeping off luxuriously long boozy lunches. Within only 7 years the tourists had taken over the country entirely.  This embarrassing national faux pas gave rise to Spain's most important maxim regarding siestas:  "Four hours, no more, 'cause any Moor is too many".

Siestas: any time, any place, anywhere

The true value of a siesta (and exactly what occurs during 3.5 hours of the working day) is still a matter of intense speculation:

http://www.thepoke.co.uk/2012/08/30/spanish-admits-siesta-is-basically-just-a-wank/

http://www.bbc.com/news/magazine-35995972


The founding of Madrid as a capital city came relatively late in Spain's history. There remains some debate whether Europe's busiest King; Charles of the Hapsburg Netherlands from 1506, then also Charles I of the Spanish Empire from 1516 and finally additionally Charles V Holy Roman Emperor from 1519, actually quipped;

"I speak Spanish to God

Italian to women

French to men and 

German to my horse"

However there is no doubt that it was Charles who decided to move the Spanish capital from Valladolid to Madrid. 

The city had originally been founded as 'Mayrit' by the Emir Muhammad I of Cordoba in the late 800s. He built a walled citadel around the site with a modest fortress overlooking the River Manzanares to repel any attempt to take Toledo by water. By 1492 Christian forces had driven the last of the Moors from Spain, Columbus had discovered the New World and the modest fortress had been gradually enlarged into the 'Royal Alcazar'. In 1561 Charles' son Philip II finally installed the Spanish court in Madrid for the first time and then set about converting the Royal Alcazar into a royal palace.       

Although Philip II sat at the pinnacle of the greatest empire the world had ever seen, history records him as a modest and pious chap, often praying in seclusion for up to 8 hours per day. Meanwhile the most unholy, uncharitable and undeserved wrath was being meted out at the pointy end of a sword by the successors of the explorers Cortes, Pizarro and Magellan. All this, of course, in the name of god or in the case of the Philippines, in the name of Philip personally.

1520: Hernán Cortés victorious in Mexico

1530: Francisco Pizzaro victorious in Peru

1521: Magellan killed by Chief Lapu lapu on a beach in the Philippines -
a mistake repeated by Captain James Cook some 250 years later in Hawaii 

Sadly nothing remains today of the Royal Alcazar of Madrid and the royal palace which Philip II transformed it into since all was lost in the last of a series of fires on Christmas Eve in 1734. However the same site was used to build the current Palacio Real; the official residence of the Spanish royal family today.

Palacio Real de Madrid: a royal residence with a splash of Bernini

Palacio Real de Madrid: the palace gardens are ideal for intimate conversation during the daytime or an imtimate fumble after dark

Perhaps the greatest testament to Philip's combined royalty and piety lies 45km outside Madrid; the royal palace and monastery of El Escorial in San Lorenzo.  Work started in 1563 and lasted 21 years, during which Philip could actually see the construction on a clear day from his Royal Palace in Madrid. 

El Escorial; royal palace, monastery, library, museum, university and necropolis
nestled in the quiet mountain air overlooking Madrid

  

El Escorial; gold from the New Word financed unlimited spending

Since completion, El Escorial became the final resting place of the Bourbon and Hapsburg kings from Charles V onwards.  Their remains are held in a breathtaking suite of sepulchers arranged in an octagonal vault lined in gold and marble under the centre of the monastery. Certainly if any king wanted to talk to God, in Spanish or in any other language, then this would be the kind of place where God would be more than happy to sit and listen.

El Escorial: the gilted and marbled Pantheon of the Kings
- the final resting place of kings since Charles V onwards

In conclusion; anyone who has not yet been to Madrid will find it is not only the perfect escape any time of the year but also a place that they will look forward to escaping to again and again and again.

Desigual: Spanish for style, fashion and fun

Soaps and the Soon-Sil Choi scandal

Those who can peer back through the fog to 1977 may remember 007's first Lotus springing a leak underwater ?  If not then maybe the first re-appearance of flared trousers since the heady days of Woodstock ? Or perhaps the rash of ill-judged but mercifully short-lived moustaches which suddenly appeared on many of our famous film stars (the men mostly) ? And flipping the bird to the decade's insatiable appetite for dismal soaps came an irreverent US parody running for only 4 seasons. Called simply 'Soap', this took the almost obligatory premise of two feuding families (the Tates and the Campbells) and threw them headlong into the most infeasible weekly scenarios with not even a cursory reality check to rein in the nonsense. It's goal was to become the soap to end all soaps, with storylines which simply could not be surpassed, even by the most chemically enhanced writers.  

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=nyeNd2HS0RY

[Sisters Jessica and Mary thumbing through a photo album]

Jessica Gatling Tate: Look, Mary.

Mary Gatling Dallas Campbell: Randolph.

Jessica Gatling Tate: That's right. Our brother. Our brother who fathered an illegitimate child with a Swedish maid and then disappeared into the wilds of Ecuador. Don't you find that a little peculiar?

Mary Gatling Dallas Campbell: Jessie, Randolph was peculiar. Any man who would go to Ecuador to sell wall-to-wall carpet is not all there.

40 years later on the Far Side of the Pacific Ocean, South Korea has mashed the wildest plots of regular soaps with almost every other genre of fiction to create hybrid-fantasy-super-soaps. Well worn themes of mortal enemies becoming lovers, rags to riches, princes and paupers, cinderellas or cinderfellas, surprise siblings, conniving concubines, etc, etc have been augmented by inexplicable identity losses or amnesia, time travel, falling in love with aliens, transgender romances and even a few bromances. 

One would imagine that this heady cocktail of Extreme Soap would render the nation immune to anything that real life could actually have to offer. However in a little over 10 days, starting late this October, the entire nation has imploded in a total frenzy over allegations of a relatively down-to-earth, real life cronyism scandal centred on the incumbent President (Ms) Guen-Hye Park  and the alleged inappropriate influences claimed to be exerted over her by her life-long confidante Ms Soon-Sil Choi  and indeed the whole Choi family. 

http://www.koreaherald.com/view.php?ud=20161104000723

Nov 4th 2016: Penitence; President Guen-Hye Park's 2nd apology to the nation in 10 days. 

As a person with no official role in govt or politics, Ms Choi allegedly;

• controlled organisations in Korea and Germany into which conglomerates (all the usual household names) were coerced to donate millions of dollars
• reviewed govt speeches as they were drafted
• bypassed govt security, having unfettered access to govt buildings and staff
• had access to govt documents relating to national security and foreign affairs
• influenced the appointment of senior govt officials
• etc, etc

Further allegations sensationally claim that Ms Choi's daughter, Ms Yoo-Ra Chung ;

• was unfairly admitted to the country's most prestigious women's university
• university officials favourably graded Ms Choi's daughter despite poor attendance and submitting substandard assignments 

https://www.koreatimes.co.kr/www/news/nation/2016/10/116_217190.html

Ms Chung undoubtedly gained few friends by issuing a poorly judged comment on social media as follows;
"If you are not rich, blame your parents.  Money is competency".

http://www.koreatimes.co.kr/www/common/vpage-pt.asp?categorycode=116&newsidx=217391

A humiliating retraction may be in order if the parental 'competency' to which Ms Chung refers is shown to be graft and extortion.  Only time will tell.

Handfuls of officials caught up these allegations have been either arrested, are resigning in panic or simply giving themselves up to police on a daily basis to offer all they know and clean themselves of the stigma of the whole affair. 

http://www.koreaherald.com/view.php?ud=20161104000780

http://www.koreaherald.com/view.php?ud=20161106000002

The nation watched bewildered as even the Gangnam Style pop icon Psy was forced to deny ever having met anyone in the Choi family.

http://kpopherald.koreaherald.com/view.php?ud=201611041518018361786_2

Psy: "Oppo Not me Bro"

Evidently no loss of perspective there then !

Media outlets continue to scramble over each other like kittens chasing a laser pointer, speculating on the motivation of witnesses, the validity of confiscated evidence, what govt secrets were on Choi's computer, who will run the country while the President submits to judicial investigation, etc, etc. Meanwhile citizens traveled to Seoul from all over the country to protest at the president's refusal to resign, only to concede to an judicial investigation.

http://www.koreaherald.com/view.php?ud=20161105000099

The truth is that the president's closeness to the Choi's family has been recognised for the best part of 40 years.  In keeping with the best Korean Extreme Soaps there are stories that Choi's father was a shaman cult leader who held a Rasputin-like influence over the president's "body and soul" since she was in her twenties.  There are suggestions of everything short of mind control of the president. In 2007 the US Embassy in Seoul warned the State Department in Washington of the potential risks of the Choi family influence should Park ever come to power.  It is after all the function of the intelligence gathering agencies to distinguish the puppets from the puppeteers in all levels of business, government and religion worldwide.  

http://english.chosun.com/site/data/html_dir/2016/10/28/2016102801342.html

Curiously almost nothing is discussed about the actual timing of these revelations. Countless people 'in the know' have been well aware about this situation for decades, so it is interesting that the truth is finally being revealed to the great unwashed at this particular moment. A keen mind would wonder which events are being quietly completed behind the scenes while the nation engorges itself on these revelations.  Or perhaps; which events are the revelations designed to derail ?  

In all probability, casting aside all the hybrid-fantasy-super-soap elements with which the Koreans like to embellish their daily lives, this scandal most likely boils down to yet another example of simple graft and corruption.  Most of Korea's previous presidents (and many of their family members) were brought down by similar charges in the final years of their presidential terms.  

http://www.koreaherald.com/view.php?ud=20161104000495

Korean prisons are fitted with revolving doors to accommodate the constant flow of conglomerate leaders, govt officials and judiciary who are first jailed for corruption on vast scales or decades-long tax evasion and then miraculously shown clemency, receiving presidential pardons after 'finding God' or expressing deep personal remorse. 

Clearly the Park/Choi allegations implicate the very top of government, but one would be naive to think that the highest echelon of power works any different from all the other levels below. It is well ingrained in the working places of normal people that the wife of a departmental manager can summon the wives of his team to come and pay tribute with gifts or luxury services on the occasion of her birthday or that of her children.  Any wife whose tribute does not find favour with the manager's wife can rapidly precipitate the downfall of the team member in that department.  Against this regular daily background, why should it be surprising that the nation's top conglomerates pay tribute to companies set up on paper by friends of top politicians ? And comparing these two extremes; which is really the greater crime and which should really command the loudest outrage ?  

http://www.koreaexpose.com/voices/choi-soon-sil-gate-sad-political-drama/