Out and about in Cebu

Most Koreans will tell you that their favourite seasons, spring and autumn, are becoming noticeably shorter each year, so that the switch from hot, humid summer to cold, dry winter now occurs  too quickly to properly enjoy the trees as they gradually change the colour of the mountains across the peninsular. 

Nami Island, the perfect place to enjoy autumn, or at least your own small piece of it

And for most people the change back from bitterly cold (-17'C) winter to summer can't come quickly enough. In this case $300 buys you a 4hr direct flight to Cebu where you can warm up early.  Cebu is pretty much slap-bang in the middle of the Philippines, sitting comfortably within the tropics.

View of Cebu City from the Cebu Taoist Temple

Of course the cost of visiting Cebu has often been dearer; indeed the first Europeans paid tragically with their lives; case in point, one Portugese Snr Ferdinand Magellan. For his time Snr Magellan was a pretty savvy navigator; born in 1480, by age 33 he had already spent 8 years learning how to subdue locals in Portugese India. By late 1519 Magellan secured finances from the Spanish King Charles I and was preparing to boldly go where no European had gone before; searching for the calm strait of water between the Atlantic and the Pacific which now bears his name. How Magellan knew about the strait and who originally charted it remains a matter of much speculation.

Charles I of Spain and
also Charles V of the
Holy Roman Empire;
"I speak Spanish to God,
Italian to Women,
French to Men and
German to my horse".

By early 1521, Magellan reached Cebu with only 2 of his 5 ships and only 150 of his 270 crew. There he befriended a cunning chieftain Humabon who converted to Christianity in return for Magellan's agreement to 'convert' a local rival; chief Lapu-Lapu. Rarely has a man's pulse risen so quickly as Magellan confidently strode up the beach smiling with 48 soldiers, then promptly ran back screaming in abject terror from the murderous onslaught of Lapu-Lapu's 1,500 unhappy warriors. Magellan's death by multiple bamboo spears and lances was neither quick nor merciful, proving that bad things happen to good people, clever people make stupid mistakes and lucky people get unlucky. Today you can overlook the sorry site of the Mactan Shrine and the Lapu-Lapu monument from the luxury terraces of the Shangrila hotel, pondering the folly of it all while casually chasing an olive or two around your vodka martini.  

April 1521: death is a beach;
locals speared the unprotected legs of the visitors to prevent retreat to their ships

Europeans would not return until 1565 when Spain's Snr Legaspi attempted to convert the locals once more. In a classic example of 'shoot first, ask questions later', Legaspi first opened fire on the city with muskets and and then burned 1,500 houses to the ground, killing perhaps 500 in the process. Only afterwards, in the ashes of the houses, the soldiers found a wooden statue of the child Jesus given by Magellan to Humabon, showing that the locals now prematurely interviewing with St Peter had in fact maintained and spread their Christian faith among population for 44 years without any outside coercion.

https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Santo_Ni%C3%B1o_de_Ceb%C3%BA

A statue of Legaspi stands outside Fort San Pedro,
quite possibly the world's only example of a military fort re-purposed as a botanical garden

The hanging gardens of Fort San Pedro;
perfect for photoshoots or snuggling on bench, under a tree with that special someone

Much as Korea is a convenient starting point to explore Asia, Cebu is the perfect place to start exploring the Philippines. Across the Cebu Strait from Magellan's miserable death at Mactan is the island of Bohol, location of the world-renown 'Chocolate Hills', so called due to the dusky brown colour of the vegetation at certain times of the year.

The small but perfectly rounded 'Chocolate Hills of Bohol'

A trip to the Chocolate Hills invariably includes a stop at a nature reserve to see the world's smallest (av. 12cm/120g) primate, the painfully shy Philippine Tarsier in its natural surroundings. The female is known for its multiple sets of breasts, which may or may not explain why the male has the largest eye-to-body size ratio of all known mammals.

https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Philippine_tarsier

From infeasibly small primates to the world's largest fish; down the coast a little from Cebu is the improbably named Oslob where visitors can swim alongside whale sharks, ie; sharks which filter-feed in the same way as whales. 

Each day a group of approx. 8 whale sharks appear voluntarily in the shallows at Oslob hoping to find food. The locals paddle out in traditional small boats to meet the whale sharks, feeding them while tourists snorkel and take photos.  Admittedly there is some controversy about the impact of taming wild animals in this way, but this is probably the best chance to swim with animals 12m-15m in length and 15 tonnes weight in their (almost) natural habitat.

Slow and graceful; whale sharks reach up to 15m long, 15t in weight

An extended family of 8 is normally present each day

The suction of water into the mouth is powerful; a safe distance of 4m is advised

http://edition.cnn.com/travel/article/whale-shark-oslob/index.html

All in all a short break in Cebu provides the perfect remedy for the worst of the winter blues in Korea, leaving you warm, relaxed and energised for the start of spring.

Hiking in Korea - the Taoist answer to life, the universe and everything

One subject of traditional Chinese religious paintings is The Vinegar Tasters in which 3 men, representing Confucianism, Buddhism and Taoism together sample the taste of vinegar - a subtle allegory for life, no less.  The Confucian's face shows that he finds the taste unacceptably sour, the Buddhist's that he finds the taste disappointingly bitter while only the Taoist finds the taste agreeable.  

A modern version of the traditional Chinese illustration

The reactions of the Tasters illustrates the differences between the central tenets of Confucianism, Buddhism and Taoism.  Confucians find modern life sour; that is; spoiled, and sadly lacking compared with the higher standards of ancient times, heaven and the universe. They favour strict rules and veneration of ancestors to ensure that modern life exactly follows traditional values. By comparison Buddhists find modern life is full of distracting desires and illusions, the attempted attainment of which leads only to bitter disappointment and suffering. The solution is not to be seduced by the earthly 'world of dust' but to find peace in Nirvana - a state of No Wind. Meanwhile Taoists accept modern life as it is, enjoy it as much as possible and make what they can from it.  In short; when God gives you lemons, you should make lemonade.  

In Korea steep, wooded mountains cover as much as 70% of the country. Under these conditions, South Korea's distinctly Taoist response is to establish national parks all over the country, become a nation of mountain hikers and to get out there as often as possible.  

South Korea: more National Parks than you can shake a stick at.
Each mountain continuously bristles with the world's most fiercely accomplished hikers.

Foreigners are always impressed with the the serious dedication that Koreans commit to everything.  As with cycling, the nation's rival opiate, hiking commands only the very best, professional quality, purpose made equipment. A quick glimpse around any mountain top will quickly sort the wheat from the chaff.

Baegundae Peak (a modest 836m) overlooking north Seoul from Bukhansan National Park

Koreans are easily identified in this season's nature-with-neon themed body-glove attire which is simultaneously waterproof, wind proof, perspiration proof, self deodourising, erogenously stimulating and thermally self-regulating in weather conditions ranging from a broiling Venusian summer to an exceptional storm on Jupiter.  Note the full length sleeves (UV protection), full length length pants (protection from insects and thorns), perspiration-absorbent neck-scarfs, wide brimmed hats, shock-absorbing hiking poles, Everest-tested hiking boots with spare alpaca-fleece socks, NASA standard thermos flasks able to keep your beverage hot in the vacuum of space for 24 hours, 2kW LED flashlights to signal passing ships, airliners or satellites, intercontinental short-wave radios, geo-synchronous distress flares, bottled oxygen, all-weather tactile precision gloves, folding chairs, hammocks, wild boar repellent, thermally insulated ground mats, 127 function Swiss Army knife, tibia-fibia resetting/splinting kit, portable defibrillator, back-up power packs, two week's rations of gourmet fish-roe kimbap with tins of spam and bottles of makoli for back-up. Meanwhile foreigners are readily identifiable by their incongruous combinations of sandals, t-shirts, shorts, mirrored shades, unused tampon and whatever else they took to the pool yesterday.

Baegundae Peak: clothing aside, foreigners may also be identified by their belief that in an emergency they can spontaneously develop the power of wingless flight, therefore allowing them to perch on any precipice with impunity

For those hiking anywhere near the border with the Super Supreme Leader's People's Democratic Empire of New Nuclear North Korea, additional precautionary equipment includes Samsung-patented high visibility camouflage fatigues.  These incorporate bright luminous flecks woven into the standard military camouflage pattern to facilitate the rapid location and extraction of stray hikers from the DMZ by South Korean special forces while ensuring that the North Korean border patrols remain oblivious about their errant trekking.

Of course, whatever level of preparation you feel happy with, always remember that nothing is more important than timing. Nobody should be under the illusion that hiking in Korea is a good idea just because they feel like it. The chances are that if you feel like it, then virtually half the population may also be feeling like it. This is fine if you want the Costco-checkout-on-a-mountain-top experience, but otherwise think carefully about the right time to go.

The entrance to Chilgabsan Provincial Park
"I told you we should have gone to Costco"

Mother Nature overwhelmed - ultimately underwhelming

Of course today's gravitationally challenged sofa huggers and itinerant screenagers who are surgically connected to their keyboards may think that they are not up to climbing a mountain. Even if they can afford 3 month's rent for the correct equipment, perhaps they are not fit enough, they may not have the endurance or they can't find equally ruminant companions to trek with.  If this is you, then you can rest assured that no matter which trek you choose, climbing the actual mountain will be the easy part.  Invariably self-pity and shame will be the heaviest burdens which you will carry on the long and winding road to the summit.  

As you set out with a light heart and a spring in your step, you will feel buoyed by the large number of brightly coloured octogenarians and nonagenarians walking alongside. You give each of them a friendly nod, saying "Hi" and wishing them a great day on the mountain.  The camaraderie is welcome and comforting; after all, how hard can the climb be if these diminutive whisps can do it ? They weigh a little over 40kg, stand barely 150cm tall and the light can even be seen clear through their limbs when the sun is behind them. You barely notice how these sprites disappear around the curve ahead of you and then vanish entirely from view on the next stretch of the path.  

It is only after you complete the first third of the trek that you start to realise just how many of these old-timers have actually flitted past you already.  During the second third of the trek, you begin to hear your heart pounding in your ears and the blood slooshing through your carteroid artery; somewhere in your brain, something wants to pop.  Your legs feel like you have just returned to earth after 6 months in orbit.  Sweat trickles from your shoulder blades to the inside of your knees without stopping at your waistband.  Each breath feels like a gasp fought for on the scalding surface of Venus. You then wonder if you're hallucinating when the first group of these oldies reappear like phantoms in front of you, this time heading back down the mountain ! Yes, it's true they've done the peak and started heading down again while you're still only 2/3 of the way up.  Miraculously they haven't broken a sweat and none of them are even breathing heavy.  They recognise you too as you exchange pleasantries again before they give it to you right between the eyes; a look of condescending pity which says simply; "Hopeless Wretch".  It's an all-humbling moment when you realise that not only are you mortal, but you have been comprehensively routed, defeated and humiliated, kindly and politely by an opponent you were not even aware of.