Newsflash #1: Seoul slams North Korean missile test reports

Life on the Korean peninsular entered a new era of wailing and gnashing of teeth this week as millions of South Koreans collectively deplored reports that North Korea has test-fired ballistic missiles into the sea. Howls of protest and outrage could be heard all the way from Seoul to Beijing as an alarmed South Korean public demanded to know why these missile tests had been so inaccurately reported and most importantly; who could be blamed for this diabolical conspiracy to undermine South Korea's global standing ?

North Korea test-fires ballistic missiles 500km into open sea - but which sea ?

United Nations Secretary General Mr Han So-Lo confirmed that on Tuesday July 19th, North Korea launched 3 ballistic missiles into a clear area of open water approximately 500km off the east coast of North Korea. Mr Han complained; “These missile launches were followed by frenzied, inaccurate and totally irresponsible reports by the international media that North Korea had fired ballistic missiles into the “Sea of Japan”. This is unacceptable, do you hear, me ? Totally unacceptable !”. 

Mr Han was clearly very tired and emotional, as evidenced by his occasional lifting of one eye-brow higher than the other, a perceptible half octave elevation in the pronunciation of his adjectives and twelve small green bottles sitting empty on the wall behind him. He continued by imploring the international community for more responsibility and restraint in its reporting of these events.


Correct reporting: missiles fired into "The East Sea";

http://english.chosun.com/site/data/html_dir/2016/07/20/2016072000730.html

Incorrect reporting: missiles fired into the "Sea of Japan";

http://www.independent.co.uk/news/world/asia/north-korea-ballistic-missiles-launched-sea-of-japan-south-korea-a7143816.html

http://www.bloomberg.com/news/articles/2016-07-19/north-korea-launches-ballistic-missiles-into-sea-of-japan

http://www.abc.net.au/news/2016-07-19/north-korea-fires-series-of-missiles-towards-sea-of-japan/7640358



Mr Han opined; 

“For the last 2 decades, South Korea has worked tirelessly and lobbied relentlessly on every continent and through literally scores of national and international pressure groups for the sea east of Korea to be re-named “The East Sea” . This is a key demonstration of our global resolve to bury all references to Japanese Imperialism and it has absolutely nothing to do with trying to belittle Japan on the international stage (honestly). 

"Admittedly we were initially discouraged when most organisations simply dismissed our campaign out of hand. They conveniently claimed that they had no jurisdiction to change a name which has been established multilaterally on charts, maps and navigation almanacs for centuries already. But as recently as 2014 we finally had our first breakthrough ! After also rejecting the idea at first, Virginia’s House of Delegates finally agreed to make it legally binding to show “The East Sea” as an alternative name to the “Sea of Japan” in all their approved state schoolbooks. 

https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Sea_of_Japan_naming_dispute

http://www.washingtonpost.com/opinions/pandering-to-northern-vas-koreans-is-going-to-extremes/2014/08/19/f9032eea-271e-11e4-8593-da634b334390_story.html

"How reckless therefore, that these first small shoots of progress on this issue should be effectively obliterated by this week's totally inconsiderate global media reports. This has cruelly trampled all over South Korea’s hard-fought, hard-won hard work by thoughtlessly perpetuating the use of this imperious reference - and for what ?  Just to highlight some extravagant new fishing techniques being tested by Kim Jong-Un and his Pyongyang cronies in North Korea. 

"This callous reporting has set back our "East Sea" campaign years, decades even. It is shocking and outrageous and as such, totally unacceptable.” repeated Mr Han. 

At the end of a clearly impassioned speech Mr Han finally invited reporters to ask questions.  A representative of The Tokyo Times asked humbly if, given the outstanding success in Virginia, South Korea would now begin campaigning to change the "East China Sea" into "The South Sea". At this point Mr Han sat down sharply (on his assistant) and refused any more questions.

Mr Han warned that from this day onwards, South Korea demands sincere apologies from everyone, everywhere.  Also he demanded immediate assurances that all references to “The Sea of Japan” shall be deleted and that this mis-nomer shall never be used by anyone, ever again. Ever.

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