Don't Stop Me Now ........ I'm Having Such a Good Time

One common jibe is that if it works fine, then from an engineer's perspective, it doesn't yet have enough functions. Certainly it is true that in ALMOST every aspect of our lives, new functions, buttons, gadgets and toys have been appended to enhance the user experience. I say ALMOST because there is one, deeply personal, hallowed, sanctity which has so-far escaped the technical revolution - and for sure it isn't the bedroom ! It is the bathroom. We've spent years getting ourselves all stressed out with IT, now we can let it all go with AT.

In Korea they have pursued Ablution Technology with the same rigorous quest for perfection that is applied to everything else. The toilet pans are equipped with a remote with which you can control the pan to apply a wide variety of mists, squirts, spays and deluges at whichever temperature, pressure or diameter takes your fancy. With the remote you can adjust the pre-heating of the seat, the angle and direction of the jets and when you have abluted sufficiently you can finish off with a balmy blow dry to the nethers, again with adjustable air temperature, jet strength and dispersion pattern to suit your whim. You can even pre-program your favourite combo and repeat the cycle time and time again if you're into a really good read.

Toilet Seats: why make them simple when it's so simple to make them complicated ?

When accompanied by a heart-rending violin concerto or some mellow piano bar jazz (as in the offices here) the sheer sensory delight is almost overpowering. Combined with a few basic controlled breathing exercises, this Ablution Technology enables you to achieve a sense of enlightenment which the most demanding Zen Buddhists would tip their hat to. It is perhaps the closest you're likely to get to Nirvana without resorting to chemical enhancements.

The sceptics and novices amongst you may be wondering what happens if one is enjoying one's ascendance on their stairway to heaven when suddenly the inevitable occurs; an incoming phone call or a pesky parcel boy at the door. As any experienced pan-master will tell you; just sit back, relax and simply repeat the wash / dry cycle a few more times while you reach out and take that call or buzz open the external door using your command console on the wall next to the toilet. Yes all the necessary communications and security features of the apartment are conveniently relayed into the bathroom so you are quite literally, never, ever, caught with your pants down.

In fact these toilet pans allow you to do just about anything short of 
launching Thunderbird 1 from the swimming pool.

To close this delicate subject, just one word to the wise from personal experience.  If by some chance you need to use a public toilet, then AWAYS be sure to check the ablution settings used by the previous visitor.  There can be few ruder shocks in this world than to press the rinse button expecting a warm, soothing trickle, only to be shafted by a freezing, full bore, fire hose discharge which penetrates to the back of your eyeballs.  I had pondered for some time about the deep finger-nail marks clawed frantically inside the doors of some cubicles and wondered what nature of emergency had previously occurred.  I am now fully enlightened.